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Looking 5 years back, on the day when SPM results were released, I was awarded with Malaysian Ministry of Education scholarship, fully sponsored for my pre-university and tertiary education studies. I was on cloud nine, thinking of pursuing medicine course overseas. (However, this scholarship is now transferred into a loan, where receivers have to serve a bond depending on the course they choose to pursue.)
After receiving the scholarship, I transferred to International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP) from A-levels.This is when the most turbulent years of my life unfolds. I was brought up in a completely Chinese speaking environment, it was a big blow to my self-confidence when I struggled to speak out in English. I felt far behind of my peers in various aspects: academics, sports and also event organization. It was a very competitive environment back then, with a totally new learning style coupled with high demand of time and stress management skills. With all that I have been through, there’s no doubt that I still had the best years of my life in IB.
After IB, I became more articulated with my thoughts and new field of knowledge excites me. I have built comradeship with my peers and shared our best college memories. Under the overwhelming amount of stress during my university application process, I managed to secure offers to study medicine course in Cardiff University and Trinity College Dublin, after undergoing IELTS, UKCAT and multiple mini interviews. However, on the day when IB results were released, I didn’t meet the requirements for the medicine course offers that I secured. Was my hard-work being denied? Or was it because of my insufficiency in revising for my final exams? It was a moment of anger and despair because all of my hard work seemed to be futile. Failing my own expectations and my parents’ expectations hurt me dearly. This was supposed to be the most life-changing stage of my life, and yet I felt that I disappointed everyone. I was deeply affected by this as a high academic achiever. This took me a year to reflect upon which I then thought that I did not work hard enough as I believe I did.
Upon denial, I went to UK to study law, after accessing my own ability in voicing out opinions, and my passion for reading. Four months away from home was really an eye-opening experience. I was in United Kingdom and Eire Council of Malaysian Students (UKEC), having all the opportunities to participate in event organising and deal with companies professionally. I have met talented people from different backgrounds and finally putting what I learnt in IB into good use: time management, less academic orientated learning style and being more of a global citizen concerning about what is happening around the world. My schedule was fully packed with law competitions and event planning. I even managed to secure a law firm internship in Abu Dhabi.
However, after a semester of studying law, on the first day of 2018, I decided to fly back to Malaysia to pursue medicine.
The news was a shock to everyone, but I realized that it has been what I wanted to do since the start. I am really happy with my new journey now in IMU because I finally feel at peace with myself. I realise no matter where I pursue my dream, it is always OK as long as I am learning and improving. My journey is not about how to avoid mistakes and unexpected encounters in life, it is about how to face them headstrong knowing the gravity of my passion. Do not be afraid to take a step back and explore different options as you will not know what lies ahead of you.
Now that I am back to my medical journey, I spend most of my time reading and practising hands on clinical skills. The interesting part is that medical professionals not only have to absorb huge chunks of knowledge but to apply them specifically according to situations, most of the time under strict timing and urgency. The high societal expectations shed upon medical professionals also give us pressure to always uphold proper behaviours on a daily basis. I also took part running in a election as IMU SRC president, where I truly value all these experiences in shaping me into a better person.
As medical student, the reading part is no joke but crazy, coupled with cramped mock clinical sessions and tutorial classes. Sometimes I get so burnt out thinking why do I have to spend so much time studying? It is a very different experience from my journey studying back in the UK where students are encouraged to do more self study and be prepared for different competitions such as mooting competition.
But, I realised that comparing two different majors are similar to comparing different individuals which does not do justice.
In a nutshell, I believe that we all have hiccups in life but let’s work hard together. My goal for now is that one day I will be confident enough to tell my patients that “Please trust me, I am your doctor.” What about yours?
Yi Xin is currently pursuing medicine in IMU, under JPA scholarship. She enjoys reading, travelling and sipping coffee during free time.